We are in November, believe it or not! Sometimes the weather helps us to feel more festive than other days as we oscillate between coats in the morning and short sleeves by the afternoon. Whether we like it or not, the holidays are still coming! How are you preparing? Just like we plan our menus and assign certain dishes for family and/or friends to bring, we also need to plan on what childhood triggers might be looming or unresolved grief or conflict might be surfacing for us.
Do you have a family member that when you get around him/her, you feel like your 12 again—small and without a voice? There might be something to unpack there. Or is there someone who shows up who just seems to get under your skin? Where might that anger be coming from? It could just be Uncle Joe being Uncle Joe, or it could be much deeper.
How are you and your partner talking about expectations or boundaries? Do you have a plan in place to leave and/or kindly excuse yourself from the table if there are topics brought up that you do not want to participate? Let me encourage you to have a plan. Melissa Urban, author of, “The Book of Boundaries”, wrote that boundaries are for keeping you mentally and physically safe and well. It is a privilege to be a part of your life—it is not a right. That goes for the relationships you have with your parents, in-laws, grandparents, and spouses, etc.
Prepare ahead of time how you want to address hot topics or personal questions you don’t want to talk about. It is no one’s business when/if you are getting married, going to have a baby, or have another baby, etc. Just like you wouldn’t ask how that person’s sex life is going (maybe you would), it is your right not to answer anyone’s questions regarding anything about you. Just be clear and kind in your response. We would not start meal prepping the day of Thanksgiving, the same should go for planning boundaries and expectations around family and the holidays. If you find yourself feeling stuck or anxious about the holidays, I encourage you to reach out and we can go over some coping skills, work on a plan, and you can learn ways in feeling more confident in giving boundaries.
